Only a mothe r could love this liver
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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