I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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