Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
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My thoughts exactly.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
