i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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