tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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