I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
