I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
