Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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