You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
