Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Ketchup is God's man juice
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
