I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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