So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
