why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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