If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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