McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
