Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
