Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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