You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
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Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
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You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize