It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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