I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
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I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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