you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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