She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize