sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I am naked and annoyed.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
