I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
