i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
