Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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