i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
