mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
