I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
