Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
