If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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