I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
