i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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