Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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