I hate all girls vehemently.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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