well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
