dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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