i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
