i was born a porn star she said
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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