Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
