I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
