If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
