Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
BRING THE BAGELS
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
