i think my tv is drunk
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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