he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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