Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
