I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex in a hospital.. check
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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