I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
