whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
