drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
