I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
