I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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