All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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