just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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