He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
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We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
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OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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