Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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