Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
