woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
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