On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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