Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
