I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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