FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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