can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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