Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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