I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
